I Discovered I Am Actually Not a Professional Dancer

For years, I believed that three shots of tequila transformed me into a mix of Michael Jackson and a rhythmic gymnast. Last night at my cousin’s wedding, stone-cold sober, I watched a video of myself from two years ago. I wasn’t dancing; I was just vibrating aggressively near a buffet table. I am retiring my "moves" and staying on the chair. Day 45 and my dignity is slowly returning.